Livia Soprano

As the matriarch of the family, Livia Soprano looms large over virtually everything that happens on the show. Although she refers to herself as a “shut in” and a powerless old lady, her machinations in both the past as well as the present have a tremendous impact on a number of the other major character’s psychological well-being.

We meet Livia in the first episode of the show, where she immediately begins shaming Tony for not phoning her enough and rejects the gift of a CD player that he brought over for her. She tells Tony, “Stop telling me how to live my life, just shut up,” and otherwise speaks to him in an angry and condescending tone. She and Tony discuss the possibility of her entering a “retirement community” called Green Grove, which is an idea she strongly rejects. Tony seems genuinely interested in his mother’s affection in this first interaction, while Livia seems angry the entire time. She dismisses him with “sure, run off” when Tony has to return to work.

Tony actually takes Livia on the tour of Green Grove but she reacts with horror and berates everyone when she finds out there is a nursing unit on the other side of the doors. Tony relates her history to Dr. Melfi and reveals, “Now that my father's dead, he's a saint. When he was alive, nothing. My dad was tough. He ran his own crew. A guy like that, and my mother wore him down to a little nub. He was a squeaking little gerbil when he died.” To which Dr. Melfi replies, “Quite a formidable maternal presence.” This interaction foreshadows a great deal of what the show eventually comes to be about. 

Later, Tony asks his mother to intercede with Uncle Junior, but she denies she has any influence with him and informs Tony he knows what he’s doing. But we find out she does in fact have a tremendous amount of influence with him, and Junior later introduces the idea that he may have to have Tony killed. Livia’s silent response to the potential murder of her son does, however, speak volumes.

In the next episode, we see that Livia has in fact become a danger to herself, as she sets a fire in her own kitchen due in part to her memory decline. Carmella introduces the idea of getting her some help in her home, but she rejects this idea much like she did the idea of relocating to Green Grove. Carmella offers to let her stay with them, but Livia rejects this as well. Livia eventually agrees to some live-in help, but her racist and paranoid accusations result in this woman quickly resigning from the position.

Meanwhile, Tony and Dr. Melfi again discuss Livia in their next session. Dr. Melfi informs Tony that “not everyone is an ideal candidate for motherhood” which Tony rejects, saying his mother is “an old sweetie pie.” Dr. Melfi presses the conversation and challenges Tony to identify some loving warm moments, which he is unable to do. Tony gets defensive and guilty about this conversation and quickly retreats to his old familiar patterns of defending his mother.

Livia’s negativity is evident in these episodes, and she rejects virtually everything that her son says. She eventually runs over a friend of hers with her car, which is the final straw leading Tony to place her at Green Grove. Livia’s anger escalates from there.

Later, we see Junior visiting Green Grove to consult with Livia, and we see how she has a way of subtly delivering advice that is highly effective in getting Junior to take action. Livia guides Junior towards killing Brendan and seriously punishing Christopher, and Junior tells her that in another life she would have been the boss of a family. Livia dismisses this compliment by telling him she is “a babbling idiot,” but the message is clear.  Livia is furious at Tony and will use the power she has in any way possible.

Livia continues her manipulation of Junior by suggesting he should “tax” Herman “Hesch” Rabkin, who is one of Tony’s closest current associates. Tony undoes much of the problem Livia has caused with his own manipulation of Junior, but it’s now clear Livia is orchestrating a number of the moves Junior makes from behind the scenes.

In the episode “Down Neck,” the family finds out Anthony Jr. may suffer from Attention-Deficit Disorder, and Tony reflects back on his own childhood. Livia scoffs at the idea of AJ going to a psychologist, but then becomes furious when he reveals to her that Tony himself visits a psychiatrist. She angrily says, “That's what he's doing. He talks about me, he complains. She didn't do this. She did that. Yeah. I gave my life to my children on a silver platter. And this is how he repays me?”

In the flashback scenes, we see how emotionally violent Livia was with her children. At one point, she waves a fork in Tony’s face and tells him she could stab him with it. Later when his father Johnny talks about moving with the children to Reno, Livia tells him she would rather “smother the children with a pillow” then allow them to leave New Jersey. Back in the present, she taunts Tony about seeing a psychiatrist, and this issue is clearly weighing heavily on her mind.

In the next episode, she reveals this fact to Junior, which she must know will have major consequences, as this is a serious violation of Mafia rules. Although she tells Junior not to act on this information, she later riles him further by telling him that three of his captains now have their mothers staying at Green Grove. Junior’s anger and paranoia now reach a fever pitch, and he decides to order the assassination of Tony, which is perhaps what Livia wanted all along.

In the next episode, Tony conjures up a hallucination named Isabella, who is a beautiful and nurturing Italian woman that he befriends. Dr. Melfi informs him that this hallucination is an idealized mother figure and a byproduct of his subconscious alerting him to his issues with his own mother. This conversation escalates further when Dr. Melfi actually tells Tony Livia may have arranged his murder, which infuriates Tony to the point of physically threatening her. She further informs him she lacks empathy and likely suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder.

Tony eventually realizes the truth about Livia and goes to the home to smother her with a pillow. As she is being wheeled into an emergency room with a presumed stroke, Tony confronts her about her activities, and she manages a triumphant smile through her oxygen mask. Tony now becomes completely unhinged and has to be restrained by the hospital staff to stop him from hurting her.

In the second season, Livia remains in the hospital, and Tony tells anyone who will listen that she is “dead to me.” As the season progresses, her eldest daughter Janice returns from the west coast and we get a further glimpse of this toxic mother-daughter relationship. Livia tells Janice, “You could never stand yourself” when she sees her, and immediately begins chipping away at her self-esteem, despite the fact they haven’t seen each other in many years. Livia tells her, “You don’t know what goes through this head of mine,” and we see Livia vacillate between cruelty and self-pity in these interactions.

Livia and Janice briefly find some positivity when Janice brings her some music from her past that Livia enjoys, although this good will is short-lived. When Livia finds out her children have been discussing a “DNR” (Do not resuscitate) order, she begins taunting Janice about giving away her inheritance and otherwise insulting her. Livia also takes pleasure in relating stories of Janice’s past failures to her nurse during these interactions. Livia calls Carmella and tells her Janice is “A real snake in the grass,” and how she is leaving all of her money to them. Carmella is unmoved by this declaration and hangs up on her.

Livia and Janice eventually move back into Livia’s old home, and soon Janice’s old boyfriend Richie Aprile joins them as well. Livia is mostly relegated to the upstairs part of the house, and Janice gives her extra doses of medication at times so she will stay asleep. Things between Janice and Riche are also escalating, and when Janice shoots Richie in a rage, a drugged Livia only has a vague recollection of people coming in and out of the house all night.

At the end of this ordeal, we see Livia, Tony, and Janice together for the first and last time, and a powerful exchange takes place when Livia tells Janice, “He probably jilted her, it’s the story of her life.” Although Tony often has intense anger towards Janice, he takes this opportunity to defend her, telling Livia, “What kind of a fucking chance did she have, with you as her mother? You were always nagging her about her weight. She goes on a date, she comes home, you call her a fucking tramp.”

And Livia’s response was equally as interesting. She tells Tony, “I never said anything of the kind. You make things up. You tell me, you tell me when I ever did anything to any of you. I wasn't always perfect, but I always tried to do the best I could. And I know you didn't, any of you, didn't like it when I tried to tell you what to do. Babies are like animals. They're no different than dogs.”

It is a watershed moment in the show, as Tony understands that both he and his sister are forever psychologically damaged through their experiences with a mother like Livia. In the final part of this conversation, she asks Tony, “I suppose you aren’t even going to kiss me now?” He looks back up at her with perhaps a little hope, but is then immediately reminded of how toxic she is when Livia laughs when he trips and falls going down the stairs.

Tony eventually makes arrangements for Livia to relocate and gives her stolen airline tickets to accomplish this task. Livia is arrested at the airport, and she and Tony are forced to meet to discuss the logistics of her arrest. Livia is now being cared for by Svetlana, (Tony’s future mistress), and they dig through some “Granny remembers” books which Livia has never touched. A furious Tony yells at her one last time, and it will be the last time they ever speak, as Livia passes away later in the episode.

At Livia’s wake, we see her toxicity lives beyond the grave. It is revealed that she ruined a number of holidays for in-laws, peripheral family members, as well as those close to her, and Carmella finally tells the truth in front of everyone about the kind of person she was.

Analysis:

Livia Soprano and her parenting decisions were at the root of a number of the issues that led to the violent and emotionally volatile behavior of both Tony as well as Janice. Livia wasn’t just a “bad” parent, but a toxic one, and the psychological implications of her behavior was an undercurrent that rippled strongly throughout the entire show.

At one point, Dr. Melfi tells Tony, “I’d say what your mother has, at the very least, is what we call Borderline Personality Disorder. Let me read to you from the DSM-IV, okay? Definitions of the condition? A pattern of unstable relationships. Affective instability. It means intense anxiety, a joylessness. These people's internal phobias are the only things that exist to them. The real world, real people are peripheral. These people have no love or compassion. Borderline personalities are very good at splitting behavior, creating bitterness and conflict between others in their circle.”

And yet later, when Tony is putting Janice on a bus back to Seattle, he talks about how Dr. Melfi said Livia had a Narcissistic Personality Disorder. He explains that Dr. Melfi, “Says that our mother is a narcissistic personality. Why she turned out that way who the fuck knows? Grandpa Vito was no prize as a father. That's not all the shrink says. She says that ma is a person who was incapable of experiencing joy.”

So in considering a diagnosis for Livia, which of these versions of the story do we believe? Although narcissism is one of the hallmarks of borderline personality, the opposite is not true, and a person with a Narcissistic Personality Disorder would present somewhat differently than someone with BPD.

The criteria for Narcissistic personality disorder are as follows,

In order for a person to be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) they must meet five or more of the following symptoms:

• Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)
• Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
• Believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)
•  Requires excessive admiration
•  Has a very strong sense of entitlement, e.g., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations
• Is exploitative of others, e.g., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends
• Lacks empathy, e.g., is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others
• Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her
• Regularly shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes

In examining this list with regard to Livia, she certainly seems to meet criteria for the final five items, which would indicate the presence of this disorder. A primary difference between Narcissistic and Borderline personality is that in BPD people will often idealize others and then quickly devalue them when they are disappointed. Self-harm and suicidal behavior are also consistent with BPD, but not as much in Narcissistic Personality Disorder, where this behavior would not be near as common. 

In considering these differences, Livia’s personality appears to be more consistent with a Narcissistic Personality Disorder, as she shows few signs of idealizing others (except referring to her deceased husband as a “saint”) or any evidence of self-harm. Livia does not appear to have empathy for people, and often simply manipulates others for her own self-gain.

Perhaps a better question might concern the presence of sociopathy in Livia, as much of her behavior goes beyond manipulative and seems to be genuinely evil. In many cases, she seems to actually delight in the misfortunes of others, and mocks and laughs at her children when they fail on multiple occasions. She actively encourages the murder of Tony, mostly in response to his seeing a psychiatrist. This is the level of “payback” she seeks from people who have wronged her, which seems to cross the threshold of a personality disorder into actual psychopathy.

Therefore, it seems fair to say Livia is in fact an evil person. In Martha Stout’s seminal book “The Sociopath Next Door,” she talks about how sociopaths are often not people lurking in the shadows, but in fact, people who are our neighbors and associates that we may not even notice. But they also may react with extreme malice under stress or when they feel threatened, and this is certainly true of Livia. Stout talks about how sociopaths often leave a trail of broken and troubled lives in their wake, and this was certainly the case with Livia Soprano.