Tony Soprano

Tony Soprano is one of the most intriguing and enigmatic characters in the history of television. Understanding him psychologically is a difficult proposition, although many of the shows other characters have offered some ideas. In one early episode, Dr. Melfi's husband Richard refers to Tony as Alexithymic, the short definition being "the inability to talk about feelings due to a lack of emotional awareness." This seems to be a reasonable starting point, as Tony often reacts with rage during periods of confusion and frustration.

One classic example of this comes when Tony enters his office and sees that someone has purchased a "Big Mouth Billy Bass" and placed it on his desk. Seeing the singing fish reminds Tony of his dream about his deceased friend Big Pussy (who he himself killed) and this memory floods Tony with multiple emotions that he is unable to process or understand. Tony reacts to this emotional flooding by beating Georgie, (A favorite pastime) who he learns placed the fish in his office. This choice allows him to temporarily relieve his uncomfortable feelings through this physically violent reaction.

At one point, Dr. Melfi suggests Tony has an Anti-Social Personality Disorder. People with this disorder often show a persistent pattern of conduct disorder in their teen years. This behavior may include breaking the law, poor academic performance, disrespect for authority, as well as several other more serious criteria including torturing animals and starting fires. Throughout the series, we learn several things about Tony's younger years. In the first season, we learn from Uncle Junior and Livia that Tony and his friends stole a car, and also that Tony used to sell stolen lobsters in an effort to earn some extra cash. In another episode we see him skipping school, breaking into his father's car, and generally being very willing to bend the rules.

Skip to Tony's teen years and we learn that he has become good enough at sports to become a "varsity athlete," despite Junior's claim that he wasn't. He graduates from High School and attends Seton Hall for a semester and a half before he "got into some trouble" (revealed to Meadow during the episode "College") and goes to prison for a short while. Tony reveals to Dr. Melfi that his time in prison was relatively short, and we can assume his crime was relatively minor. Around this same time, Tony robbed Feech Lamana's card game, which was a major turning point in his life where he became officially respected as a gangster.

From this brief look at Tony's adolescence we learn he probably did meet many of the characteristics of conduct disorder, but possibly not enough to make a firm diagnosis. Which moves us to the diagnoses of Anti-Social Personality Disorder, which according to the DSM-IV, involves "a pervasive pattern of disregard for and violation of the rights of others occurring since age 15 years, as indicated by three (or more) of the following:

(1) failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behaviors as indicated by repeatedly performing acts that are grounds for arrest

(2) deceitfulness, as indicated by repeated lying, use of aliases, or conning others for personal profit or pleasure

(3) impulsivity or failure to plan ahead

(4) irritability and aggressiveness, as indicated by repeated physical fights or assaults

(5) reckless disregard for safety of self or others

(6) consistent irresponsibility, as indicated by repeated failure to sustain consistent work behavior or honor financial obligations

(7) lack of remorse, as indicated by being indifferent to or rationalizing having hurt, mistreated, or stolen from another

B. The individual is at least age 18 years.

C. There is evidence of Conduct Disorder with onset before age 15 years.

D. The occurrence of antisocial behavior is not exclusively during the course of Schizophrenia or a Manic Episode.

So, does Tony meet at least three of these criteria? The answer seems to be that yes of course he does. Although he does not seem to meet the criteria for number six, there have been multiple examples of his actions meeting the criteria for the other six components. But does this diagnosis truly encapsulate Tony Soprano? It doesn't appear to. The fact is that Tony is capable of unselfish and extremely generous acts, although often these actions have ulterior motives. Therefore, to truly get a sense of the patterns of Tony Soprano's life, it is extremely useful to use an Adlerian model to examine the patterns of his basic convictions. The Adlerian model looks at key components of a person's life, and also at their early recollections in an attempt to examine several key determinants that Adler believed made up a person's unique lifestyle.

Gender Role Preparation perceived through Gender Guiding Lines and Role Models

Through observing their parents and the gender patterns they adopt in their relations, a person learns to conceptualize a personal definition of what a man is and what a woman is. From watching his father, "Johnny Boy" Soprano, a respected and feared Mafioso, Tony formed several impressions of what it is to be a man. First and foremost, Tony learned that the man is the breadwinner in the family and that he needs to do whatever it takes regardless of the law, to provide for his family.

Tony also learned a great deal about conflict resolution from watching his father deal with people from around the neighborhood. One particularly important observation came from watching his father handle a man named Satriale who had been avoiding him because he owed him a debt. When Tony watches his father chop off the man's finger as a result of this dispute, Tony formed an early impression that a man goes to any lengths, despite the law, when that man owes him a debt. This impression was again confirmed when he watched his father brutally pummel a neighbor named Rocco, who also owed Johnny money.

Tony also learned a great deal from watching his father's work habits throughout the years, and this then affected his own adult attitude towards work. The beatings Tony witnessed in the previous situations were both over an attempt to collect a debt, and Tony saw that a great deal of Johnny's income was simply taken by force or through the threat of violence. Therefore, he learned that men don't need to work if they can take things from others, and this was a lesson that appeared to resonate.

In one notable event that occurred in Tony's teen years, he covers for his father with his mother when she correctly assumes he's been with another woman. In this situation Tony learns that’s it’s okay for a man to lie when confronted by an uncomfortable situation, and he has most likely learned this through observing his father’s dishonesty many times before.

Through Tony's interactions with his mother, he learned that a woman, although she may work in the home, holds a great deal of power and control in interpersonal relationships. One early impression came from watching his father and mother interact after his father brings home a large order of meat, and Tony observes that this was the only time his mother was ever really happy. Tony also makes the connection that when his father brought gifts it was "probably the only time he got laid." This also created the impression for Tony that a woman only provides sexual gratification to men when she is given gifts, and this was an idea that also seemed to translate to his adult life.

Interpersonal Style perceived through Experience of Family Atmosphere

The family atmosphere in the Soprano family was one of storm and strife. As Tony's sister Janice explains to her husband Bobby, "In my family, it was dog eat dog." This was an accurate description of the Soprano household, and much of this difficulty stemmed from the interactions between Livia and Johnny, which were based on repetitive patterns of incessant nagging on Livia's part and extreme deceit on Johnny's. Livia's tyranny over the house may have even eventually contributed to Johnny's physical decline, as in Tony's estimation she wore this very strong man into a "little nub."

Livia Soprano's love was conditional love. Livia was extremely critical of her children and she did not demonstrate encouragement and support of their endeavors, which appeared to stimulate a lifelong pattern of self-doubt in both Tony as well as his sister Janice. Discouraged children often grow up to be angry and unfulfilled adults, as they begin to feel that everything they do will not live up to someone's standards.

 In these situations, a kind of "learned helplessness,” can take place, where kids simply give up rather than continuing to compete in a seemingly hopeless situation. This appeared to be the case with Janice Soprano, who spends a lifetime avoiding any kind of useful activity rather than be judged a failure as she has so many times before.

Tony on the other hand compensated for this lack of love like his father did by lashing out at others, finding temporary gratification through sexual conquests, and finding solace in acquiring material possessions.

Livia also talked openly of killing her children when Tony was a young man, which he must have seen as a great devaluation of his importance and worth in his mother's life. In one notable instance, Livia tells Tony she could "smother him with a pillow" which terrifies Tony and makes him question how far his mother might really go in enforcing punishment in the Soprano household.

Johnny Soprano freely used corporal punishment in the house, and in Tony's words, "the belt was his favorite child development tool." Johnny clearly demonstrated though many of his actions in the house that violence was an appropriate response to frustration, and this was also a value that Tony seemed to inherit. Johnny Soprano was also consistently deceitful in his dealings with his family, and his constant deceit was often the trigger that sent Livia flying into a rage. One early example of his deceit came following his arrest at a kid's carnival, where he tells his children the cops made a terrible mistake and arrested the wrong guys, which would be difficult for even a child to believe.

Another important event that confirms Johnny's deceit occurred when Tony was a teenager and Livia was in the hospital having suffered a dangerous miscarriage. Johnny, who was staying overnight with his mistress, concocts an elaborate lie that hinged on Tony supporting the lie and confirming the story for his hospitalized mother. Tony does go along with the lie, and this event marked a major turning point where he embraces the deceitful lifestyle and begins to head down the path his father has paved for him.

One key scene occurred when we flashback to Tony’s first murder of a bookie named Willie Overall. We find out from Paulie that Tony “made his bones” with that murder, and how he became an official member of the mafia family through this murder on the order of his father. What does this scene tell us about how Johnny Soprano felt about his son Tony? That he was destined to be a murderer and gangster who shouldn’t hesitate to use violence to solve problems? This would certainly appear to be the case.


Contrast this with Tony’s own feelings about his son, and how he didn’t want him involved with the family business. This seems an important development, as although Tony’s own father thought making him a murderer was the best way to advance his career, Tony had very different ideas for his own son’s development.

Personal Code of Conduct perceived through Acceptance/ Rejection of Family Values

When Tony embraced his father's lying ways, he was essentially accepting the Soprano family values, all of which were also modeled by Tony's Uncle Junior. Although Tony made a brief attempt at following a different path by going to college, his robbery of Feech Lamana's card game demonstrated an early lesson learned from his father that if someone wants something, it is easier to simply take it from others than to actually work for it. This idea was strongly reinforced when Tony was caught for this act and not punished, but in effect, promoted into the "family" following this brazen and irresponsible action.

For Tony, the term "family values" obviously had more than one meaning, but upon close examination, the values modeled in the Sopranos household were the same that were necessary to survive and even thrive in the mafia "family" Tony was also a part of. Livia used the threat of killing someone weaker than her to retain order in the house and get people to comply with her wishes. Tony and his larger mafia family use this exact dynamic, as threats of violence are one of the key ways the family perpetuates its wealth.

The family value of deceit in the house was also a necessary value to succeed in the larger Mafia family. The code of "Omerta" implies silence and avoidance of even discussing the organization, and this is an interesting connection to make considering the fact that Livia was so against Tony going to therapy as she felt he was there to "talk about his mother." Livia, who preferred the family secrets stay buried, was so consumed by feelings of anger from thinking that Tony would reveal her secrets to a therapist, that she manipulates Junior into trying to have him killed. Returning for a moment to the idea Tony is Alexithymic, one can speculate that this condition might stem from his mother's absolute inability to promote the sharing of feelings in the Soprano household.

Perspective on the World perceived through Experience of Psychological Birth Order

As the second born child of three, Tony's assumed the position of the classic middle child. The second born child often takes their cues from the oldest child, who has been in the world longer and provides a roadmap for the second child to follow. Second born children are often the rebels in the family, as the firstborns tend to be responsible and can often even assume the role of a second parent. The second child therefore often finds belonging through acting distinctively different than the first, as the first is naturally better at things because of their advanced age and physical development.

This was partially true in Tony's case, as Janis appeared to enjoy flaunting her position as the eldest, and at least in her early childhood convinced her father she was a well-behaved and accomplished child. Tony, on the other hand, showed immediate rebellious behavior and found belonging through being a "little hellion," who learned to fit in and get attention through misbehavior.

Adler made a strong point of emphasizing that birth order also had a psychological component to it, where the literal birth order may differ from the physical birth order. This can happen when the first born son usurps the first born female child and becomes the de facto leader of the children, as he comes from a culture that values males over women. This dynamic appeared to manifest itself in the Soprano household. In Tony's case Janis, who enjoyed the power of being the first born but not the responsibility, in effect passed the torch of responsibility as the first born to Tony, who became responsible for the family as he entered into adulthood.

Range of Social Interest perceived through Other Particularities

Adler believed that the extent and degree that a person takes an interest in his or her fellow human beings was an excellent predictor of their mental health. Tony never developed this interest in others, and instead came to value others based on their personal usefulness to him. There are many examples of this in Tony's life, including in his relationship with Paulie, who fell out of Tony's favor following a financial downturn in season four. Even in his dealings with Artie Bucco, who is a friend without mafia associations, Tony often identifies how Artie can be useful to him. Despite this imbalance of power, Tony finds little ways to exploit this friendship for his personal gain.

Tony's odd obsession with animals also demonstrates his inability to share emotions with other human beings, and again this behavior might have some its roots in the lack of love and support he received from his mother. Tony often projects feelings onto animals that he is unable to feel for human beings, and this trait shows how confusing and upset Tony gets when confronted by negative emotions.

A prime example of this can be seen in the show almost immediately, when Tony shows great love and concern for the family of ducks that have taken up residence in his pool. He speaks to the ducks as if they are humans, and asks them what kind of food they would enjoy, which he would be happy to provide for them. This pattern is also evident in his interactions with his horse “Pie-O-Mie”, as he chooses to spend time with his horse at the expense of others, and is even driven to murder when Ralph chooses to kill the horse.

Conclusion

In conclusion, Tony Soprano's life is one lived with little insight or mindfulness. This lack of insight has led to an external locus of control, where he views the bad things that happen to him as bad luck. His statements such as, "I can't catch a break" and "I'm like king Midas in reverse" are examples of this behavior, and these claims don't jibe with the many, many fortuitous events in Tony's life.

Tony also likes to present the idea that he is a "sad clown," but again, the evidence in his life does not seem to support this. When Tony is angry or hurt, he nearly always responds with physical violence, and occasionally with emotional violence such as when he calls Melfi a "cunt" following her rebuke of his advances. The sad clown motif indicates the sense of pity Tony often feels for himself, and his general pessimistic attitude towards life.

Adler felt that by gaining insight into your behavior you could begin to understand the patterns and faulty thinking and logic that these patterns then created. After many years Dr. Melfi has uncovered some of these patterns, but doesn't seem to offer much assistance on how to process this information. The result has been that Tony continues to repeat many of the patterns directly inherited from watching his parents, and despite his often empty promises to change his life, this is really not possible without going back to the beginning.

Adler referred to this idea as "soft" determinism, meaning a person's patterns of behavior were firmly and deeply entrenched, and very, very difficult to change without a tremendous amount of insight. At one point we the viewers are given some evidence that Tony is capable of change. Following his shooting and recovery, his pronouncement that “every day is a gift” seems to be the start of a more loving and mindful approach to life. He turns down a potential affair with Julianna Skiff. He seems to have some compassion for Vito’s homosexuality despite the emotionally violent response from the rest of the crew. There seems to be some possibility that he is on the road to real change.

But invariably in Tony’s case, the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. After rejecting Julianna’s sexual advances, he comes home and starts slamming things around. He is emotionally abusive to Carmella. As a person so used to gratifying his every impulse, delaying gratification is exceedingly difficult, and we begin to see the cracks in his new perspective.

In the last years of Tony’s TV life, we see him return almost completely to his former manipulative, angry, and unhappy self. He resents the idea that others try and improve themselves, as evidenced by his deliberate attempt to sabotage Janice’s effort at anger management in the episode “Cold Cuts.” After Bobby beats him in a fight, he orders him to commit murder because he knows it will haunt him psychologically. He personally kills two of the closest people in his life including his cousin Tony Blundetto (the closest thing he’s ever had to a brother), as well as Christopher, who is in many ways a surrogate son.

Which brings us to the highly controversial ending and the ongoing debate about Tony’s potential death. In this context, it is interesting to consider that the man who may or may not have shot Tony in the final scene is credited as “Man in Member’s Only Jacket.” We recall the first episode of the sixth season is called “Member’s Only” and some key things happened in that episode including Eugene’s suicide, Ray Curto’s death, and finally, the closing shot where Junior shoots Tony in the gut.

What is the possible significance of the title “Member’s Only” in this regard? Tony at one point explains to Dr. Melfi that he is not an evil man but a soldier, and he operates in a world where everyone involved knows the rules. The mafia is a “Member’s Only” organization, and soldiers may kill other soldiers in this context, but he is no “Hitler or Pol Pot” and therefore does not belong in hell.

And yet in the subsequent episodes that debate is something Tony’s subconscious seems to be trying to resolve. In the dream world he enters following the shooting, he is in Costa Mesa and fires are burning all around him. Religious messages about hell appear on the television around them. Tony becomes involved with monks who remind him that his worldly actions have lasting karma that he must pay for.

And in the final scene of the dream sequence, we see that Tony (as “Kevin Finnerty” a clever play on the word “infinity”) may have been close to entering into hell itself. He reports to Dr. Melfi later how it was a place “he never wanted to go back to.” He resolves to do better in his life, even contemplating for a moment the version of redemption and religion Pastor Bob lays out for him as he lies in recovery from his gunshot wound.

But ultimately, we see Tony return to his old ways. Although he at first seems to be embracing his new policy that “every day is a gift,” under stress we see Tony return to being guided by his reptilian brain, adept at survival, manipulation, and the exploitation of others for his own personal gain.

In the end, it is interesting to consider how close we as viewers felt to Tony considering his long history of anti-social activities. Why did we find it so easy to forgive him despite these continually violent and exploitative activities, and root for him to prevail against his enemies? Ultimately, I think it speaks to the brilliance of the writing and the show itself, and our ability to rationalize and forgive the actions of a character once we have become emotionally invested. David Chase himself referred to Tony in interviews as a “monster”, but I believe it’s fair to say that most of us viewers had a much more complicated and nuanced response to him.